Your Name Appears in the Book I'm Reading - Insomnia #11

your name appears in the book that i am reading
and i blink transfixed at what used to be so familiar
as it sits on the yellow page staring boldly at me, like you used to,
my heart beats falters like it used to
but your name does not blink like you used to


i close the book but i continue to read into past experiences together
your name is shifted violently from side to side, tossed and turned and shaken to relay its
secrets, in the turbulent waters of the mind
and i willingly drive in, drowning in memories
because i will save you, salvage what you were with my dying breath
for there are no other fishes in the sea,
compatible as you were with me


as i caress it with my tongue, whispering softly, reverently,
akin to a prayer
i open the book and stare
blatantly you stare back much like you used to
peering so closely your name slowly expands like you used to
promising I'd get used to...
this name, however familiar presents to me a blank slate
an unknown identity
i dont know who you are anymore
in any case i would not mind shedding this identity and following you on this yellow page
and in the world forever more
separated only by the conjunction "and"
immortalized on a yellow page and a green earth together
his identity remains unknown though....
however rest assure i will forever be the Jane to my John Doe.

History Class

History Class
From the dull words printed on an even duller page
I see the eyes of the fallen twinkle with promise
Of a life gone and spent paying the debt and still remaining cost of being free
I stare at the book and continue to look until the words are blurred with pages and the my unshed tears
Something should be done for all those killed
They should be compensated I feel

I can only imagine being belittled and caged fought done and stifled, patronized with insulting words and racial slurs
I can only Imagine,.. but is it a wasted effort?

They say ‘history repeats itself’ But how can it, when we’ve come so far from the sugar plantations and cotton fields
The only cotton we pick now are from store racks when buying a new outfit
We kill ourselves trying to impress
By our shoes and the way we dress,
we don’t need a master, we already fight each other down.
No longer caged physically, yet we limit ourselves by our own minds, imprisoning ourselves by our own mediocrity
Stifling our voices, for fear of being heard or taken seriously and coincidentally, the insulting words and racial slurs have evolved to endearment terms.
‘ Dawg, biatch, nigga’
Because spelled differently, it means something else.
The universe is warped, but how can it be stopped
The Motherland got screwed and aborted her offspring from her womb
But why concentrate on the past, when our future continues to loom
Just close the book and try to assume
that we are not unconsciously digging a grave to our own doom.

My Thoughts On The Matter - Insomnia #8

Even after receiving all the encouragement for my writing and poems, I was still not mentally prepared to be the subject of this abject admiration and ‘respect’. Flattered beyond words and humbled beyond measure, I was rendered speechless when asked for relationship advice, moral support and psychological therapy. So what if I am incapable of feeling romantic love, and the word ‘moral’ has only just been inferred in my vocabulary and lifestyle and psychologically,...(well if u know me , you know the deal). Maybe you don’t have to be logical and ‘sane’ to give advice. Maybe Dr. Phil, after giving these long and reasonable explanations on respect and love, beat his wife for eating the last piece of cheesecake in the fridge. Maybe he verbally abuses the Hispanic maid for putting ugly seams into his favorite, mud colored Tuesday pants that he wears on the show. I don’t know. Maybe. So despite my shortcomings and downfalls, I present to you my honest and subtly diluted 'Thoughts on the Matter.'


‘Love’ and ‘normal’ are two words most loosely used and coincidentally rarely meant or understood. Lets start with ‘normal’ In all of my existence , I have never been described as normal and I have come to the realization, that there is no such thing . Normal is such an ugly term – Everyone has their quirks about them. For instance I like to believe I’m James Bond and jump out of moving buses, I like waking up singing an Indian chant in the middle of the night ..(haye aye aye aye ..), I love staring at my mother in the shower with a creepy look on my face .. that makes her jump and vow that she will send me to Tapion to get my head checked,, again. Normal is relative. Its normal for men to smoke ,, but maybe they’re just compensating for putting long, thick, cylindrical objects in their mouths and sucking on it. Don't ask.
All these top notch psychologists have a theory and balance by which to judge a person’s behaviour. Mentally unstable, eccentric or normal. Mine says that I’m just strange, and think differently but I’m ‘ok’. I’m eccentric. Should I be happy and relieved (like my mother) that there is nothing wrong with me? What if I told her of the voices in my head.. and what they keep telling me ..*awkward pause*.. (Im playing, there are no voices in my head) *cough* Einstein by all accounts and pictures should be labeled as a crazy bastard, .. but ironically he’s a genious. So what if he made many contributions to physics which included the special and general theories of relativity, the founding of relativistic cosmology, the first Newtonian expansion, explaining the perihelion advance of Mercury, prediction of the deflection of light by gravity and gravitational lensing, the first fluctuation dissipation theorem which explained the Brownian movement of molecules, the photon theory and wave-particle duality, the quantum theory of atomic motion in solids, the zero-point energy concept, the semi classical version of the Schrödinger equation, and the quantum theory of a monatomic gas which predicted Bose–Einstein condensation. His hair was messed up and for that alone he should have been locked up. However now, society undermines creativity and to make everything simpler.. just label it as ‘crazy’. Respect eccentricity and unlikeness.


>> beep beep. (Interruption in the regular programming)--- this ‘article’ for want of a better word cannot continue because Treasure Lionel’s PC has AIDS. Seeing that she is not the fastest ‘typer’ and this computer will shutdown at any moment it would be wise if she stops now. Sincerest apologies for any inconvenience caused. Go back to your lame lives already in progress. <<

The Damsel In Destress - Insomnia #?

The damsel in this dress
is not as sugar coated, as sweet she might seem
Because alone , she makes herself sick with her pretenses and her apparent lack of insulin
Looking for an escape ; a haven

The damsel in distress
finds herself ensnared in a trap, once more in a mess
Naive and helpless
she holds his hands and teeters into the dark abyss
a place unknown
Where nothing is familiar , yet everything is,
Every word softly spoken, but she remembers nothing said
Every move seemingly rehearsed, but nothing was read.

The Damsel is undressed
Not seeing that she is nothing but a conquest
to him.
A challenge, a test
Which he passes, and she fails....
To acknowledge that he is not the hero, but is here to bring her pain
And he does
For she feels it again , and again, and again.

The damsel is distressed
A stare so forlorn and cold
she looks Possessed
Realizing too late now that she has made a mistake.....
One where she allowed him to take all she had

The Damsel in distress
has cried her eyes out ; but now is vex
At herself, at the world, at him
For engaging in sex
Especially when she realizes it was mediocre , at best

Boys & Girls Part 1 - Insomnia #3

I had to do it. A potpourri of emotions and analyzed observations warranted a written document of sorts on my thoughts on the matter. Initially, the draft was deep and psychological and not at all coinciding with my other articles.. so I twisted it some....Now keep in mind I have no right or authority on the following theories but I’m bored, read everything at least twice and I can’t sleep.. so without any further BS introduction.. enjoy, or scoff, or laugh, or stumble over words that are too hard to pronounce..(whatever u do wen reading)
*blush* -------------- performance anxiety.

The unfairness of the world brings us to this – Raging hormones, spiking tensions of all kinds, boundless energy and an adventurous demeanor >> the curse and blessing of a teen. Yet the universe and society expects us to make decisions which affect the rest of our lives at a time when we are certifiably insane. Who the hell came up with that idea!
That idea and the theory of a perfect man/ woman together should be classified as fictional. I would rather believe the night noises I hear right now @ 2am is from unicorns and centaurs sensually mating and leprechauns, as they fight with tree nymphs for Tinkerbell's magic wand which ultimately transforms Edward Cullen into a tanned, , hot blooded, living and breathing human.. who happens to be straight. *scoff*.. Impossible.. I know rite?
Guys especially, I hear your cry .. for love and attention and companionship.. but be specific.. and don’t play.. cuz that problem can be solved by getting a German Shepherd or a Rot. Every day we have those debates after school... bout how there are no women out there for men anymore. “Independent women want to kill men and they doh need you . and Gold diggers just want man money.” First off, this is not a debate, merely an observation which I silently consider and scoff at. Furthermore your lives have been miserable since the dawn of time when Eve ate the forbidden fruit and ‘made’ Adam follow suit. We, the spawn of all evil, deceive and manipulate and u for generations are in constant conflict as to what head to use.. and therefore continue to be susceptible to our irresistible charms. We stay in the dark contemplating how to bring u to your knees, therefore attaining ultimate world domination. as we laugh evilly.. “mwaah hahahahhahhahah!!!”
Seriously, u don’t believe that.. and if u Do, then u watch too much TV. Women and men can co exist in a world created for them. Take a break from the conspiracies and dare I ask.. ‘Can’t we all just get along?’ Curb the resentment and nurse your broken heart because not every girl is out to get you. ‘An ex is an ex for a reason’ guys but not all girls are destined to be your downfall.

Now ladies.. your turn.. I mean our turn.. no.. ok whatever,, OUR TURN! We have this misconception that we are the world’s best lie detectors, and quicker picker uppers out there. Speaking of which, even Louis Lane couldn’t tell that Clarke Kent, her co worker and friend was her lover boy Superman. The guy’s only medium at disguise was a pair of glasses.. and she she still didn’t notice (yet she calls herself an investigative journalist). Don’t start resenting men because of prior circumstances. It’s unfair. Not that we think logically when hurt, but we could try.
Now with that being said, I have a business proposal and a manufacturing plan with Victoria’s Secret. I think that instead of just underwear, Victoria’s Secret and I can collaborate and manufacture men with the same criteria as their best bras. It is my brainchild that I gave birth to.. some minutes ago. And still.. in the early stages.
>> First it should be supportive.. because any bra worth its salt.. should be able to lift u up. Men the same, they should be supportive , don’t discourage. Lift up a girl’s spirits and physically 2 Not saying u shud be Hulk.. but at least for 10 seconds. Not too feb guys.
>> Lift and separate – never mind I dint think that 1 out . lol
>> Fits juuust right. Neither too big or too small but fits u specifically. Take a lesson from Goldilocks, even that inquisitive , indiscreet lil chit knew that size wasn’t everything
>> Transparency. Some like it see through, lacy or opaque. Every1 loves a lil mystery and finding it in a guy is no exception.
Last but most important .. the motto- “Satisfaction Guaranteed”.. (hehe) Self Explanatory.
I’m going with it.(lol) Every1 who agrees say ‘AYE’ and opposers shut y’all asses.

The Youth of Today (Insomnia #2) Deep

We are the leaders of tomorrow
But just the youth of Today
The ones you hear old people scold and berate, how they hate the way we have no manners – Never say good morning or good day
We have no respect judging by the things we say
And in their time, skirts the short and pants that saggy were blasphemy
An insult ot society’s respected and to the vulnerable susceptible eyes of the old.

The youth of today have become bold

The sexual immorality we engage in baffles the brain, We are nothing but a stain in the fabric that they have woven, embroidered and tried to maintain, with narrow-mindedness and cruel discipline
.. A stain that needs to be washed out
Bleached, rubbed hard, hit and slapped against stone walls until we become pure
Almost as much as they were
When they were referred to as ‘The Youth of Today’

That is ludicrous
Especially when men of the day, after giving that speech
Stare at our behinds in these short skirts as we try to walk away from them and their hypocrisy
Oblivious to the fact that we heard them say
That they would take come what may
Despite how young the youth of the day
Because after 12 is lunchtime

We are the leaders of tomorrow
The youth of the day
the ones on whose behalf government leaders argue and debate
on the measures they can take to curb and eradicate or our seemingly insatiable appetite for violence
All the King’s horses and all of King’s men are trying to put us back together again
When they’re not busy attempting to attain prosperity
Conveniently diagnosed with amnesia
They forget the empty hollow words shouted at the podium
how the called us ‘Stars’
And if we really were ‘stars’
– then we were probably shooting stars to do with as you wish..
Gone bright for a few moments
Until of course we disintegrate into nothingness Quiet and invisible once more..
For another four years.
We are the ‘Leaders of Tomorrow’ ‘The Youth of Today’.. ‘ The Thoughts of Yesterday’

Insomnia and Boredom.. lethal combination... lol.. o and an overactive imagination

It's now 44 minutes past midnight so as any other common, nerdy, passionate leisure reader who finds herself without a good book she hasn't read at least 3 times, I try my hand at this - writing whatever's in my mind or on it. (Here goes !)

5 Minutes Later........... Nothing

2 Minutes Later............ I'm still thinking of what to write

Some Time Later........... I find myself steadily counting the seconds I've remained blank.

(Ahem) Writer's block? Ha! Me... a writer, I like the sound of that.


The radio is playing and Janet Jackson is on. Really she can't sing. Good performer but vocalist? ..nah. (scoff) I recall the argument I had with an acquaintance a while back with her saying (sorry), shouting that Janet Jackson was the shit. Really there was no need for her to continue shouting because I agreed. See you cannot be the shit if you don't stink and frankly Janet's vocals ..(ahem) Janet's lack in the vocal department sure helped her pass the bar.


My mind is wandering again. Ugh! Nothing good seems to be playing right now so I think of putting in my soothing rock CD and I remember my parents, most close friends and my other relatives belittling my taste in music.
'Why you listening to that white music?'
'ki vieux bagi nah tan la' I remember my grandmother scoffing a while back while she was dressing to go to a Country and Western dance.
Country and Western! What's up with that!

She continues to say that we young people adopt the US culture and do not appreciate what we have. Even our dress was influenced by them. (these weren't her exact words.....but you get my drift.) Really if there is anything more ironic, I can't tell. 'We are adopting US culture' she says while she's dressing to go to a Country and Western dance. The whole nation has glamorized this lifestyle and music to an extent that even a short-sighted, hard of hearing, slow individual who is always lost in thought (such as myself) is able to notice our country's infatuation with this music especially on a Sunday morning. The whole nation is tuned in to listen to Country and Western (well except for a few dedicated, nonconformists whose other music is drowned out by the droning on of a man sharing his misfortune to a bartender or anyone who is willing to listen, or a woman crying over the man she's lost to her best friend, another woman or alcohol.)

'Oh! Woe be unto me!'
Really can you get more depressing?!!!

No other place in the world is renowned for the western culture with cowboys, dirty bars, boots and the like. Heck it originated there. Really Shervon Sealy is waltzing (or whatever cowboys do) around in a cowboy hat, tight jeans and a buttoned up shirt with the weird shaped boots to match and is greeted warmly with
'Ahoy there matie!' - my bad, wrong impersonation. (ahem) Howdy there cowboy!
Nothing wrong with that. Truth is.. those tight jeans look good...(not that I was looking.)

Because to each his own. Right mama?


Uh... Now let's see. What else does a eighteen year old girl have on her half-baked mind. God forbid that she may have something in it!
Was that called for? I don't know you tell me ...was it?
I was once told by a teacher that I was somewhat of a cynic.(really..the nerve!) I try to be open-minded but in my quest to do so, I adopt attributes of a feminist I'm told. I do acknowledge that women not only have different plumbing from men but are wired differently. Yeah, yeah....we're the nurturers and caregivers while you guys are the strong, macho, full of testosterone males who come home with the bacon or whatever you've hunted that day. Yes, yes..and since the beginning of time men have... Blah, blah. I could drone on and on about what you guys are but you know what I can do better? I can tell you what you aren't... But I won't.


I acknowledge your importance in this world despite the theory that a strategically aimed shower head might rid the world of men since their most important role would be accomplished.(wink) (wink)
Seriously, many tend to downplay the importance of women in this world. We have been told we aren't readily equipped to go into a business room and be cold-heartedly efficient because of our wiring. That's ridiculous.

Suddenly, I have this urge to recite that song ' Everything you can do I can do better..I can do everything better than you'
But that would be a bit childish wouldn't it?

Come to think of it the opposing gender is the more childish by a mile. No really, check this out..
'Men' continue referring to themselves as players and thus find it necessary to continue playing games
They refer to their girlfriends as their Mama..(Well most of them do anyway)
They relentlessly continue to refer to their homes as their 'cribs'.
Aww... now isn't that cute.
But cute does not cut it. What most of you 'men' need to do is grow a spine and a real pair of nuts or you will soon find yourself walking down the street with your pants halfway down your butt (as most young 'men' nowadays) and eventually find it necessary to grab at your crotch while walking just to acknowledge your superiority, only to find that....the very emblem of your manhood has been stolen, the essence of your being missing.
Looking up in horror you then see the smiling faces of women flashing past you in a haze oblivious to your plight for help, their laughs and squeals of delight reverberating in your head, a sharp contrast to your hopeless and depressed demeanor.

But wait. What's that? Are those your ....?, all the women are wearing it!! It seems to be the latest fashion...Incredulous, you keep turning your head this way and that, glimpsing at the men's faces who are also in shock as they too notice their nuts dangling mockingly from pierced earlobes. Your nuts are now being worn as earrings.
Your face is then zoomed in as a woman gives a high pitched squeal.................. DUM DUUM DUUUUUUM!!!!!!!!!!!

Scary Huh??
Well screw it.. It made me laugh..lol